Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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