How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
