dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
