Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
a search helicopter?!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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