Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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