I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
