cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
