you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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