how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
