My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
