Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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