sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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