I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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