You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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