My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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