I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
