I'm jealous of your bromance
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
