too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
