His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He better not be in your backpack
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
