Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
