so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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