i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
