So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
