i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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