Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
