he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
