she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
