Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
its not stalking. its research.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
