New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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