I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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