Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When are your genitals available?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
