I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
