Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
