He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
