i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
