This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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