Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
