Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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