so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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