when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
