I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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