We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
wow bdsm is so cute
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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