My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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