I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
