I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
