dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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