Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
