I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
