i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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