Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
