You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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