It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
