I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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