I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I believe in your delicious
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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