some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
