just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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