Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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