omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
