We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
