When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
